Day 85 - Got my Glow Plugs fixed.
Garage figured out what was wrong with The Flyer.You might remember that it was harder to get going in the morning than the No.1 son.Guy said that 2 of the 4 plugs were dead and the other 2 were dodgy.Sorted for £75 - should have done it months ago.Thought I was going have to do a Basil Faulty on it and give it a good thrashing with a bit of hedge.

Just watched Hibs qualifying for the Mickey Mouse Cup along with K ilmarnock.Notice that Hartley has signed for the Bhoys and the word is Maloney's getting punted.Was told that www.live-footy.org might be worth a look.

Yer mammy says zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Day 84 - Chasing the Neds round the scheme

Busy old weekend - went down to the Mansions on Friday night & took the opportunity to catch up with Mark A for a Beer.Saturday saw the Gaffer headed off to Auld Reekie for a tree-hugging session - I took the opportunity to catch up with cousin Rab for a few snifters.Looks like Louise is heading off.Had a good afternoon holed upstairs in BTW in Falkirk watching the Sky footy afternoon results,until Aunt A & The Gaffer sussed us out.

'Where are you - says aunt A '
'Not saying - says me'
'Well I'm down stairs in BTW - says aunt A'
'Shocker says me - the cover's blown'

Back to Dunroamin on Saturday night.

Couple of the local neds decided to rattle our door on Monday night.Did my Rambo bit & chased them round the scheme,but they got away.Not to be outdone I fired up the trusty 307 and chased them. They had a case of the brown trousers when I braked quickly and leapt out to challenge them.Hopefully they'll get bored and get back to their Playstations.

Day 79 - Burns Night & Australia Day

Fair fa' your honest, sonsie face, Great chieftain o the puddin'-race!
Enough about me though.What a great coincidence that Burns Night & Australia Day happen at the same time.Its a great excuse to get some Haggis,Neeps & Tatties fired onto the Barbie - get shot of that healthy OZ stuff.I here it's getting a bit busy down at the Gong Backpackers Hostel now that the owners are back.Whose the woose that can't sleep on the floor cause the bugs bite - I hear IKEA OZ sell extra long bed legs to lift you away from the Colonial bugs.The Flyer continues to take the piss - maybe its missing its OZ passengers.It spent the day in the Garage - yet the boys gave it a clean bill of health.Parked it up outside the pub as me and the Gaffer had a pie & a pint.Came out in the rain & guess what it wouldn't start.Tried to bump start it but dead as a dodo.Went home for an hour then came back and it started first time.I reckon Stretchy has a Mondeo vodoo doll and is sticking pins in it like the Tennents ad.On the Home front our local MP Reidso has written to the Judges to tell them that the Prisons are full and they should just let all the neds free with a slap on the wrist.I have suggested that they could reinstate the old service for the POMS and stick them on a boat across to you guys - you've got loads of space.We're heading down to the Mansions on Friday night and back in Dunroamin on Saturday.I feel I must end with a few bars of a song that I would like Uncle Tom to lead you all in - gathered around the PC :


Australians all let us rejoice,For we are young and free;WeÂ’ve golden soil and wealth for toil;Our home is girt by sea;Our land abounds in natureÂ’s giftsOf beauty rich and rare;In historyÂ’s page, let every stageAdvance Australia Fair.In joyful strains then let us sing,Advance Australia Fair.

Day 78 - It's not Big & it's not Clever

Heard that some eeejits were diving off a balcony into a pool somewhere in Oz.The word is that Auntie C is going to kick some seriously big hairy arses when she gets home.Mums the word though.Good news and bad on the car front - 307 passed its MOT with no defects - bad news the Flyer decided to chuck it tonight in the middle of town - totally dead wouldn't even try to start.Having phoned the breakdown guys I was hanging about waiting and tried the ignition and it burst into life.Think its having a laugh with me.Thanks to young Stu's organisation the floors are finally finished in the Mansions.

Day 77 - Am I getting smaller ?

Shed News - it's back on its feet - hoorah !

Day 77 – The Pope’s (Other) First Eleven

Incredibly I read in the Times that the Vatican is setting up the Vatican League Championship (Clericus Cup) so that all of the bhoys in the Colleges & Offices in the Vatican can field their own teams. Sounds like something out of Father Ted but it’s serious. They’ve put a Cardinal in charge who says – ‘we won’t play on a Sunday (cause we’re busy) and if you mention the Lord’s name in anger you’re immediately sent off ’. The Cardinal reckons that they have a few star Brazilians in the colleges and the idea is to produce a Vatican Dream Team to play against Roma, AC Milan & Juventus.
On a more serious note I read that the UN are producing a spec for poppadums - ’they should be thin circular discs from 2 to 10 inches in diameter and made out of soaked rice flour, black gram or cow pea flour. They shall be free from broken or frayed edges, excessive number of holes, dirt or foreign matters, insect infestation or fungal growth’. Call me a traditionalist but I thought these UN boys had the tough job of sorting out all the warring nations – not worrying about our next curry. The Big L worked in a Curry Shop – get your CV off to the UN right away.
Not much is happening in Dunroamin or the Mansions today. The 307s booked in for an MOT on Wednesday and Johno is figuring out the Broadband for the Mansions. Weather wise the wind & rain have died down and snow’s forecast – watch this space.

Day 76 – David’s Ceilidh – not to be confused with Kylie
A Ceilidh (pronounced "Kay-lay", emphasis on 1st syllable) is many things. It derives from the Gaelic word meaning a visit and originally meant just that (and still does in Gaelic). It can also mean a house party, a concert or more usually an evening of informal Scottish traditional dancing to informal music.
What a carry-on on Saturday night. David very kindly invited the Gaffer and I to his Ceilidh.He gave us a map how to get there – no probs as it was only about 3 miles away from Dunroamin.Hah – after driving for about 45 minutes up & down two private single track roads we could not find the turn off. The Gaffer uses my mobile to call D at base camp. Just as we were getting to the first right, second left stuff the old mobile’s battery chucks it and we are left in complete darkness in the middle of nowhere. To add to the fun the reversing light on the 307 is knackered so every time we tried a three point turn ‘we’ nearly ended up in the 6 foot ditches at the side of the road.D gave us a further clue and said that we had to look out for the bonfire. Seeing a large fire halfway up the nearest mountain the Gaffer let rip and blasted the 307 up the hillside. The Gopher skillfully leapt in and out of the car to open & close all of the gates and fight off the sheep. Finally arrived at the top of the mountain only to discover that there was nowhere to park and that we were blocking a Range Rover trying to get through. Needles to say spent another anxious 30 minutes reversing the 307 back down the hill. The fact that the Gaffer was not sure of her ‘Left Hand Down/Right Hand Down’ added to the fun. I quickly leapt out of the car - carryout in hand - into complete darkness. You couldn’t see your hand in front of you and me & the Gaffer proceeded to walk up the two parallel ditches on either side of the road – killed the high heels. Finally made the party by running after another 4WD blasting up the hill. The party was great. About a dozen of us holed up in a caravan at the top of the mountain hitting the old cheese & wine and the odd beer. One of the boys at the party farms oysters so we all tucked into a couple of grilled oysters with cheese & cream. To get back to the car we had to do the 500m downhill race – chasing a friendly 4WD with big lights. Apart from that all quiet – happy days.

Day 69 - Half The World Away - Oasis

Shed News - back on its feet again thanks to me and the Gaffer bursting a gut.

5- 0 to the Teddy Bears - Broxi's is back in business - Lorna you'll need to dig out your ned jewelry again to celebrate.2-1 to the CFC - struggled to break the Cousins of William down for about 60 minutes then scraped a couple of late goals - (captain) Elvis looks the part in the hoops though.Noticed that a NSW town had a 2 day Elvis convention over the weekend (6,000 punters) - just incase you bumped into them and you thought you were seeing things with the drink.

Pyjama Watch - Agnes has asked me to dress in my PJ's the next time I visit so that the family don't feel overdressed.All's well in Sidlaw Towers.Deb's man popped in with what looked like a bit of a nosebag for her.Somebody will need to have a word with the young boy - seems to keen.Yer auntie says hello too.

The Scottish parliament continues to take the piss.Their big new initiative is a press campaign on telling you how to wash your hands - it consists of diagrams as well for the numpties that can't read.Seems like £2.5 million well spent if you ask me - like feck.The UK government has announced that it's going to jail you if you overfeed your dog (11 stone Labrador last week caused the kerfuffle).I say let them keep feeding the dogs - its not doing me any harm - and the poor things will burst eventually - no probs.

Wee for a WII - I end with the sad story that I read in The Register.A Californian Radio station had a competition - Hold your WEE to win a WII.
The punters had to drink half a pint of water every 15 minutes and try to hold it all in.Incredibly this women competitor started to feel ill went home and died in her bed - of water intoxication ! Please don't try this at home kids - or the next time your wasted in the Gong.The article didn't say whether the dead women even won the WII for her orphan weans - funny old world.

I'm in Warrington Wednesday & Thursday and London Friday so my posting may be a bit sparser this week.

Take care all you guys - TBG

Day 66 - Polish Polis in Belfast & The Man with the Wooden Shoes.

Dunroamin Shed News - still on its back.
Old Section B boy in the Three in One last night - busted and stitched eyebrow - what's that about ? Caught the 6.00 am train to Middlesbrough with 3 minutes to spare - blasted the flyer along the M8 and then handbrake turn into Central Station - cool or what ?

See the London Zoo was doing its annual stocktake today (thought they went in two by two ?) - but the jackass penguins were playing up.See the Belfast polis are on the ball.Since the old RUC was viewed as a Proddy outfit,the RCs were giving them a wide berth at the Belfast Job Centre.However since the government says you need 50% tims in the NI Polis they have stated to sign up the Polish bhoys ( seems the are 100% solid tims & go to mass).

Strange,young,trendy,unshaven bloke (Joanne's type) on my train.What caught my eye was that he was wearing pointed wooden shoes.On closer inspection I was bale to establish that they were made out of that laminate flooring stuff - as per the mansions.If he got a suit,shirt & socks made out of the stuff he could lie down and disappear (apart from the beard).

Does Coby know about the Kobyi steaks.Funny that they named them after a C'Hall boy.An Indian boy on the train has been watching a Bollywood ADULT DVD - can't make it out though cause there's no subtitles.Said to the boy that you'd need to watch if you lumbered a Burka Bird - once the veil comes off she might be a minger with a beard - need to get some expert advice from Granto & Coby.

Sheilasville - WOW ! Thought Lorna's black dress was very classy - match the Cuban cigar and Buckie bottle.Surely the girl in the yellow frock must have been cold though - not that I noticed.Val's mum Maggie will be on her case though.

Laura Fir-Park says she's looking for an admin job in the Construction Industry.She says she's fed up with all the wimps in her office and is looking for some real hunks.Johno's off down the B+Q to get measured up for a new tool belt & hardhat.

The train's having to slow down because of the high winds - think it's blowing out the wood burning stove - so will get home Tuesday.

Going to 2 BT funerals so will be less chirpy after that.

More shed news once I catch up with the Gaffer.

Take Care - Love & a Hug - TBG

Day 65 – Red, White and Blue and the Avon Ladies

Happy New Year to all.

Xmas & New Year holidays passed in a blur despite me & the Gaffer having two weeks off. We shuttled between The Mansions and Dunroamin. Uncle Tom & the team came up on New Year’s Day. We had some fun going over on the Easdale ferry (10ft long open boat) to see the Panto on January 2^nd.Had to hang about the Pub because the ferryman was at lunch – tough gig sampling the beer made next door in the Isle of Seil Brewery.

Red & White – Saturday was a busy old day. The Gaffer & Auntie Fi headed off to Gingers to get the hair fixed.Yer man made the Great Escape at 13.00hrs to the Imperial and then the West End to catch up with young Stew and the B’s.As we wondered by the Imperial Charlie warned us to avoid the bottom cross as the Fir Parkers were rioting and scaring all the unmarried mothers in the precinct. Reluctantly we headed up over Gartlea and missed all the fun. Reminded me of football in the 70’s – plenty of casuals battling at the football – happy days. I wouldn’t agree with the headline in the Sunday paper that AUFC were timid – shite would have been a better description. Why we waited till the 75th minute to get the subs on is beyond me – nice to see Johno, Marcus, Alice and Tommo joining in the songs. The day ended well with the OZ Going Back Party in the Hall. The aunties burst a gut with the grub. Big Paul and Colin did a sterling job DJ’ing for the punters – Scottie G better watch his back with Big P on his game. The night ended early for us with a Red Card for Auntie Fi after she got a bit tired & emotional with Father – time for sharp exit.

Blue – think Jason’s taken to his bed for the year with the departure of PLG and RFC getting humped out the Cup by the mighty Dunfermline. Having to go back to school/work on Black Monday the following day must mean that God is a Tim. Guess the Big L and Coby are keeping their heads below the duvet too. I don’t expect to hear about any gloating from your end.Watty & Coisty have just given up on the Tartan Army and returned to manage the Queen’s first eleven - so start getting worried. The Gaffer misheard the news and thought Tommy Burns was being offered the RFC job – wimmin + football = danger.

This week in Dunroamin a turf war has broken out between the two Avon ladies. Makes Grand Theft Auto look tame. The Gaffer buys her midgie cream from them. Not really midgie weather this week though – we’re enjoying 70 mph Atlantic gales with about a foot of rainfall everyday. Soaked through to my Lycra shorts every night – pictures to follow.

Gran Isa went up to Perth with Alice for the New Year. Took 45 minutes on the train to get to Perth – then a further 45 minutes to get to the Hotel because they took a wrong turn and walked all round the town and back again - the Hotel was about 500 yds from the Station. The Hotel organised a taxi to take them back – the boy didn’t get out of first gear and just rolled down the hill.

The Big Brother contestants enter The Mansions this weekend so watch out for the fireworks & evictions. Nice to hear that Grant is settling down in Stirrup Stane View – hope he pays a bit more attention to the Birds wardrobe though or he’ll be out on his arse before you can say Bob Sheruncle.

Must dash – off out to nail down the sheds, wheelie bin, fence and car before the next storm comes in.