Day 13 - Mount Baw Baw and the Dragon Sausages.
Mount Baw Baw what a great name for a hill.Wa thinking over here we could use Haw Maw or Ma Baw or Baw Bag.Mount Haw Maw would be good.Guess it was our Abo cousins that came up with the cool name.Don't know if you can still use Abo in these days of Political Correctness - you know the guys - they were there before the convicts of Political Correctness the EU has a problem with a Welsh butcher who is selling Dragon Sausages - yep you guessed it - the EU have instructed him to label his sausage as not containing real dragons - where does it leave his shepherds Pie.A school in Norfolk is having to change its Christmas diner for the kids - instead of the traditional turkey it's having to be replaced with Halal chicken so as not to offend the Muslims - call me a traditionalist............
I continue to be haunted by Santa & weans.I won a £50 voucher for the Gyle at the Edinburgh office.You could smell tsincerityity of my Edinburcolleaguesses as said visiting weegie was presented with the top prize in the Draw.Making my way over to shopping centre to quickly spend igottenton gains I could barely get into the mall.'I wish it could Christmasmas every day...' Slade sang out at top volume.It appears Santa had left his Coatbridge howf to visit tunderprivilegedged weans and unmarried mothers of Edinburgh.Again same mayhem as Coatbridge - weans,buggies,mothers in shell suits in particularlar order.Christ it's only November the 20th.
Mansions news - George the painter from Clarkston has painted the flat in Magnolia from top to bottom - I advisGeorgerge if it did not move paint it.Rosemary lost fforfor two hours as I lay about in my beige smoking jacket.Hope you all like beige - its the new black they tell me.
Was talking to Chris the footballer (start player from Chapelhall) in the Chip Shop.We weremaininging over the good old days and how lucky you guys were to be Australialia as we contemplated the descending gloom of Rawyards.At this a second ex-mate of your chipped in (tall lad with black hair) and we furthreminiscesses as the Mars bafriedied away merrily.
Coby sent me an email to check I was coping OK without you guys - he looks a good bet for a lodger if you guys don't come back - don't know if Nancy would put up with tflutetpracticeice though.
It was meant to be Force 10 & 11 Gales last night in Oban (it only goes up to 12) so I better phone the Big R to check my sheds OK.
By the time you read this I guess you wicaughtuty up with all the OTs - pass on regardsars to T&C and the weans.Rember to clean the pool every day - you know makes sense.
Must dash - till next time -take care - TBG.
Monday, November 20, 2006
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Days 8 & 9 - Santa's arrived in Coatbridge & the Easyjet Jobby Wheecher
Santa's arrived in his Coatbridge Main St Grotto - it's a nightmare.You can't get along the Main Street because it's awash with unmarried mothers pushing their weans & buggies.What with the buggies & disability dodgers on their sticks how's a man expected to get from A to B ?
Easyjet Jobby Wheecher - got stuck beside a posh bird on my return flight back to Glasgow.She was droning on about her wedding at Gleneagles(bet the guests were chuffed at £10/pint).Loosing the will to live I noticed a big LCD screen at the front that the trolley dollies appear to use to run the plane - puts the lights on & off,music etc.However just as me and the posh bird are coming into land joy of joy the LCD screen switches to a detailed display about the state of the onboard toilets.It gives you a view of two cylinders labeled solid waste and liquid waste and both looked pretty full.Then it starts to flash a warning message that the tanks need emptied by the ground crew .... and you thought you had a shit job ! I remember Willie not being averse to rolling up the sleeves and guddling out the odd salmon.Was going to point out this marvel to the posh bird but she had already moved on to talk about BMWs.
Big news in Chapelhall is that the Pakistani shop opposite the old school in Gibb St has lost it's license to sell Buckfast.Seemingly theproprietorr chased some schoolboy foralledgelyy stealing a bag of crisps.He beat the sh1t out the boy and the beaks took a dim view of it.
Trying to get the Red Flyer fixed today - so it's demise may yet be delayed.
Your man in the Airdrie Library - take care The Big Gun
Santa's arrived in his Coatbridge Main St Grotto - it's a nightmare.You can't get along the Main Street because it's awash with unmarried mothers pushing their weans & buggies.What with the buggies & disability dodgers on their sticks how's a man expected to get from A to B ?
Easyjet Jobby Wheecher - got stuck beside a posh bird on my return flight back to Glasgow.She was droning on about her wedding at Gleneagles(bet the guests were chuffed at £10/pint).Loosing the will to live I noticed a big LCD screen at the front that the trolley dollies appear to use to run the plane - puts the lights on & off,music etc.However just as me and the posh bird are coming into land joy of joy the LCD screen switches to a detailed display about the state of the onboard toilets.It gives you a view of two cylinders labeled solid waste and liquid waste and both looked pretty full.Then it starts to flash a warning message that the tanks need emptied by the ground crew .... and you thought you had a shit job ! I remember Willie not being averse to rolling up the sleeves and guddling out the odd salmon.Was going to point out this marvel to the posh bird but she had already moved on to talk about BMWs.
Big news in Chapelhall is that the Pakistani shop opposite the old school in Gibb St has lost it's license to sell Buckfast.Seemingly theproprietorr chased some schoolboy foralledgelyy stealing a bag of crisps.He beat the sh1t out the boy and the beaks took a dim view of it.
Trying to get the Red Flyer fixed today - so it's demise may yet be delayed.
Your man in the Airdrie Library - take care The Big Gun
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Days 6 & 7 – The Aliens, Sandy Stewart, the Red Flyer & WAGs
The Aliens - http://thealiens.musicblog.co.uk/- went with Mark A to see this new band The Aliens (some of the guys from the old Beta Band).Felt about 90 in my cardigan & slippers with all the young team. Their album Astronomy for Dogs is out next March – thought L might fancy it with a title like that.
Big news – Sandy Stewart the Airdrie manager was sensationally sacked last night – you probably heard it on the news. Some odd suggestions popping up for the new man – Graham Roberts?
The Red Flyer is in a bad way – think you put a curse on it A when you left. It needs a new steering rack according to the Garage costing hundreds of pounds. Family meeting at the weekend will decide its fate – but it’s not looking good.
‘£50,000 bill for wannabe WAGs’ – good article for Val.
‘Virgin Money says snagging a footballer costs £28,815 – with £5,750 for a boob job, and £7,050 for clothes. Keeping him costs £21,855 a year, - £1,820 of it on tanning alone’. Wonder if your aunt M would agree?
Take care, The Big Gun.
The Aliens - http://thealiens.musicblog.co.uk/- went with Mark A to see this new band The Aliens (some of the guys from the old Beta Band).Felt about 90 in my cardigan & slippers with all the young team. Their album Astronomy for Dogs is out next March – thought L might fancy it with a title like that.
Big news – Sandy Stewart the Airdrie manager was sensationally sacked last night – you probably heard it on the news. Some odd suggestions popping up for the new man – Graham Roberts?
The Red Flyer is in a bad way – think you put a curse on it A when you left. It needs a new steering rack according to the Garage costing hundreds of pounds. Family meeting at the weekend will decide its fate – but it’s not looking good.
‘£50,000 bill for wannabe WAGs’ – good article for Val.
‘Virgin Money says snagging a footballer costs £28,815 – with £5,750 for a boob job, and £7,050 for clothes. Keeping him costs £21,855 a year, - £1,820 of it on tanning alone’. Wonder if your aunt M would agree?
Take care, The Big Gun.
Days 4 & 5 – Remembrance Sunday & Boxing Day
Spent Saturday gutting your room – your bed and carpet are now in the tip. Celtic & Rangers both won – Airdrie got beat, usual Saturday. Watched Ghost Dog at Celia’s & Paul’s. Went to Church in Chapelhall today – saw Joanne with her group of Brownies – she looked good so I guess she was not out clubbing last night. The Church is looking for singers for Xmas – ‘the only requirement is a tuneful voice, you don’t have to be able to read music.’ You guys have heard me at the Karaoke – do you think Chapelhall deserves me? Guess today should have been called Boxing Day. Carted about 10 boxes of your stuff over to EK.Jason & Doug gave me a hand to lug it up into Gran’s loft – she says you owe her rent for the storage when you get back. You’ll be hoping that Beer in Bali is a bit cheaper than Singapore – at £8 a pint bet you wished you’d packed some of the old Tonic Wine. I’m putting the Red Flyer into the garage to get it checked out – need to make sure I keep it on the road for your return.
Take care, The Big Gun.
Spent Saturday gutting your room – your bed and carpet are now in the tip. Celtic & Rangers both won – Airdrie got beat, usual Saturday. Watched Ghost Dog at Celia’s & Paul’s. Went to Church in Chapelhall today – saw Joanne with her group of Brownies – she looked good so I guess she was not out clubbing last night. The Church is looking for singers for Xmas – ‘the only requirement is a tuneful voice, you don’t have to be able to read music.’ You guys have heard me at the Karaoke – do you think Chapelhall deserves me? Guess today should have been called Boxing Day. Carted about 10 boxes of your stuff over to EK.Jason & Doug gave me a hand to lug it up into Gran’s loft – she says you owe her rent for the storage when you get back. You’ll be hoping that Beer in Bali is a bit cheaper than Singapore – at £8 a pint bet you wished you’d packed some of the old Tonic Wine. I’m putting the Red Flyer into the garage to get it checked out – need to make sure I keep it on the road for your return.
Take care, The Big Gun.
Friday, November 10, 2006
Day 3 – Raintown
I hear that the Monsoon has hit Singapore and A&L are holed up in the Hotel. It’s much the same here in Oban today – wet & windy. Ironic that NSW has had a drought for 5 years and were up to our arses in water – funny old world.
‘Pay up or we’ll send the eunuchs round: how city’s tax dodgers are being shamed’… great headline.’ The castrated men, hermaphrodites and trans-sexuals, caked in cheap make-up and wearing garish saris, are being paid to stand & sing outside the homes and shops of the tax dodgers in Patna, India.’ Don’t know if it would work in Govan.
Was wondering if aunty COT is still attending the tap and tennis classes. I have a vision of a cross between Martina Navratilova and Liza Minnelli and I’m not sure it’s a good look.
Still it’s Friday – off back to the Mansions for a bit of dusting over the weekend.
Take care, The Big Gun.
I hear that the Monsoon has hit Singapore and A&L are holed up in the Hotel. It’s much the same here in Oban today – wet & windy. Ironic that NSW has had a drought for 5 years and were up to our arses in water – funny old world.
‘Pay up or we’ll send the eunuchs round: how city’s tax dodgers are being shamed’… great headline.’ The castrated men, hermaphrodites and trans-sexuals, caked in cheap make-up and wearing garish saris, are being paid to stand & sing outside the homes and shops of the tax dodgers in Patna, India.’ Don’t know if it would work in Govan.
Was wondering if aunty COT is still attending the tap and tennis classes. I have a vision of a cross between Martina Navratilova and Liza Minnelli and I’m not sure it’s a good look.
Still it’s Friday – off back to the Mansions for a bit of dusting over the weekend.
Take care, The Big Gun.
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Day 2 – Meat and Two Veg.
I read with interest in the London Times that 200 guys that have had a sex change are being allowed to uplift their pensions at 60(same as the wimmin).So there you go guys if you fancy retiring 5 years earlier look out the old twin-set and pearls(again). Call me a traditionalist…..
Picture of Domestic Bliss - Went through the Avon Lady sketch last night for the millionth time.Yer man’s settled on the couch reading the paper and half watching the Cousins of William via the Leith Tims when the old door bell goes – ding dong Avon Calling. R shouts down from the bath can you get the door (knowing full well it’s the Avon Lady).D leaps from the couch, throws open the door & invites in said Avon Lady – cause it’s blowing a gale. Now for the sketch.
D – What is it doll – how can I help you?
AL – There’s your Avon stuff – that’ll be £17
D – (looking askance & bellowing up the stairs) Hang on I’ll get my better half to sort it out since I’ve got about £2 in my pocket.
R – (enters stage right – gushing from her bath) £17 that’s no problem can I write you a cheque – how do I spell Crow?
AL – as in Russell (leaves stage left into Force 10 gale)
D&R – debate ensues as to the merits of paying the AL
To be continued……
Back on the couch I’m scouring the Oban Times for something to occupy us now the dark winter nights have set in.Ya beauty found the old night school course;
· Introducing to Felt making – Sat 18th November
Just when I thought it couldn’t get any better I notice
· More Fun with Felt – Sun 19th November
How much more fun can a sane man have with felt.
Still must dash I hear the ferry’s foghorn in the bay. I must get down to offload the winter supplies - either that or I’ll go to Tesco’s.
Hello to Mr.Oliver
Your man in the cold, wet, dark West of Scotland – take care, The Big Gun
I read with interest in the London Times that 200 guys that have had a sex change are being allowed to uplift their pensions at 60(same as the wimmin).So there you go guys if you fancy retiring 5 years earlier look out the old twin-set and pearls(again). Call me a traditionalist…..
Picture of Domestic Bliss - Went through the Avon Lady sketch last night for the millionth time.Yer man’s settled on the couch reading the paper and half watching the Cousins of William via the Leith Tims when the old door bell goes – ding dong Avon Calling. R shouts down from the bath can you get the door (knowing full well it’s the Avon Lady).D leaps from the couch, throws open the door & invites in said Avon Lady – cause it’s blowing a gale. Now for the sketch.
D – What is it doll – how can I help you?
AL – There’s your Avon stuff – that’ll be £17
D – (looking askance & bellowing up the stairs) Hang on I’ll get my better half to sort it out since I’ve got about £2 in my pocket.
R – (enters stage right – gushing from her bath) £17 that’s no problem can I write you a cheque – how do I spell Crow?
AL – as in Russell (leaves stage left into Force 10 gale)
D&R – debate ensues as to the merits of paying the AL
To be continued……
Back on the couch I’m scouring the Oban Times for something to occupy us now the dark winter nights have set in.Ya beauty found the old night school course;
· Introducing to Felt making – Sat 18th November
Just when I thought it couldn’t get any better I notice
· More Fun with Felt – Sun 19th November
How much more fun can a sane man have with felt.
Still must dash I hear the ferry’s foghorn in the bay. I must get down to offload the winter supplies - either that or I’ll go to Tesco’s.
Hello to Mr.Oliver
Your man in the cold, wet, dark West of Scotland – take care, The Big Gun
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
Packed Lorna & Andy onto the Heathrow flight last night.Pretty uneventful apart from the hassle with the BAA Security - arse & elbow come to mind.Big Scott picked them up at Terminal 1 and drove them over to Terminal 4 - another tearful departure.Andrew phoned us from the plane to advise the BA boys were having difficulty with the backup battery - I thought it was diesel that these 747s run on.Anyway the Kwik Fit fitters got on board with the new battery and a quick jump start - Bob's Sheruncle and their off.Got a text about 2.00pm today(10.00pm with them) that they had arrived in the Hangout OK and that it was fab.Andy said they were shattered and were off to bed - will probably call them about midnight to get them up in the morning.Thanks to Celia for picking up the consficated MP3 player at Glasgow Airport. I see the weather in Singapore is forecast to be cloudy with thunder so I guess they wont need the suncream just yet.Good to see so many of the Radiator Boys,Chapehall Boys & friends come round to see them off - with all the crying though Andrew said that it felt like a wake.The Mansions is looking like it's been ransacked.I spent 1.5 hours getting back to the Mansions after seeing them off and then 2.5 hours getting back to Oban.Heard on Radio Scotland that Strathclyde Fire Brigade are recalling leaflets that they had sent out to the Urdu community.The leaflets advised (in Urdu) that you should use cushions to break your fall when jumping from windows(???) - however the translator got it wrong and the leaflet read you should use donkeys to break your fall (??????) - enough about the Teddy Bears though.Rosemary is about to pick me up so I'll need to dash - talk to you'll tomorrow. Regards,The Big Gun.
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